FAQ: Fucking annoying questions. A list with answers—though sadly, not the kind Jeffrey left behind.

Welcome, dear degenerate, to the most retarded FAQ ever compiled. If you’re here, you’re either confused, skeptical, or just too much of a dumbass to grasp how our FSM NFT collection—featuring pirates, strippers, volcanoes, Krishnas, and Darwin—actually makes sense. So, strap in, and let us spoon-feed you the marinara truth you desperately need.

Q: Why are there pirates in this collection?

First, how dare you question pirates? They are FSM’s chosen people, and their decline is the leading cause of global warming and other natural catastrophes. ( GoFSM p.26 ). Forget apes; we evolved from pirates, sailing through marinara-fueled madness to greatness.

Q: Strippers? Really? Isn’t that, like, unholy?

Excuse you. Strippers are the backbone of Pastafarian heaven. After you’ve had your fill of the beer volcano, the stripper factory is your next stop. Strippers represent abundance and indulgence without fear of judgment. If you think heaven is all harps and robes, then go hang out with the mormons in flat-earth hell.

Q: The stripper factory and beer volcano sound ridiculous. Are they real?

As real as your crippling margin debt, my friend. According to GoFSM, Pastafarian heaven features an infinite beer volcano and a stripper factory to satisfy your degenerate cravings. The only people not invited are simps, haters, and those who put ketchup on spaghetti.

Q: What’s Pastafarian hell like? 

Oh, it’s a shitshow, alright. The Beer Volcano is a warm, flat puddle of stale piss, and the strippers are walking, talking STD incubators. FSM doesn’t actually send anyone there unless you’ve really fucked up—like killing people or simping for Twitch thots. rAmen. 

Q: Is there really a 9th circle of Pastafarian hell? 

Nah, it doesn’t exist, bro. We made that up for maximum dramatic effect. The thought of a warm beer puddle and STD-ridden, ugly strippers was just too good not to throw in. But relax—FSM’s hell isn’t that cruel. rAmen. 

Q: Why do STDs get mentioned?

Because life is risky, just like this NFT collection. Strippers in Pastafarian heaven are STD-free, but in Pastafarian Hell you have to pay the STD-fee. Check GoFSM if you don’t believe us. Pretentious cunt.

Q: What does Darwin have to do with FSM? 

A: Evolution is fake and gay, like Darwin himself. This god-hating commie spread more misinformation than your favorite Twitter troll. Our divine collection exposes his nonsense, giving him the eternal clowning he deserves for ignoring the Noodly Hand behind creation. That said, we can’t lie—the Darwin Awards are kind of based. So, yeah, we included them as a tribute to humanity’s dumbest moments. rAmen. 

Q: Bush? Cheney? What do they have to do with FSM? 

Ah, good question. Ever heard of the “Bush did 9/11” conspiracy? Well, the jury’s still out on that one, but according to GoFSM, George Bush is allegedly a closet Pastafarian. And as for Dick Cheney? Let’s just say, FSM doesn’t love neo-cons, either. rAmen. 

Q: What’s FSM’s beef with the Krishnas? 

According to Pastafarian lore, those bald, tambourine-shaking Krishnas didn’t just go on meditation retreats; they started killing pirates. And if that wasn’t enough, another not-so-sacred text, The Loose Gospel, claims that Darwin, in his infinite smooth-brained arrogance, convinced the Krishnas to start this pirate genocide.

Q: What’s with the parrots?

Pirates had parrots. Pirates are sacred. Ergo, parrots are sacred. Don’t overthink it, champ. Also, parrots are proof that FSM has a sense of humor—who else would create a bird that can cuss out simps in fluent truecel dialect?

Q: This all seems random. How does it connect?

If you think it’s random, it’s because your brain is too smooth to see the big picture. Every image in this collection is based on the holy text of Pastafarianism, FSM lore, and His divine pranks throughout history. Pirates, strippers, Darwin, and even your broke ass are all part of FSM’s noodly plan. The randomness is the point—it reflects His chaotic genius.

Q: What about topics you haven’t thought of yet?

FSM works in mysterious and saucy ways. Didn’t see space apes, stripper pirates, or marinara UFOs in the collection? Don’t worry—they’re coming. FSM’s infinite wisdom knows no bounds, so expect the unexpected. And yes, it’ll still somehow make sense because FSM said so.

Q: Is this FAQ trolling me?

No, but FSM is. Always. rAmen.

Q: This FAQ couldn’t help me with anything really 

If this FAQ can’t help you, no one can. Go eat shit faggot. 

Now that you’ve been enlightened, go forth and YOLO your crypto on this NFT collection. FSM bless.